| Yep |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|03:34 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nevea Tears-Hellium Queen | ] |
I love you Maria. You are the most wonderful girl on the face of the Earth. I thought I'd start off with this because she makes me so happy. She's so amazing in so many different ways. And even though she didn't have to, she sent me very lovely gifts. Thank you once again for them, you seriously left me speechless. Today is also my birthday and she was the first to wish it to me. She makes me feel so special and I love that about her. She honestly does make me happy, and I'm so lucky that I have her in my life. Out of all the presents over the years from Christmas to Birthdays, nothing has compared to the gift I received this year. To have Maria in my life is truly a gift, and as far as I can see, nothing will ever top that. I can't wait to start the new year with her, and I hope this is one of many holidays to come with us.
So I have lots of choices of stuff to do for my birthday. Going to do the whole parent thing because they want to spend time with me. I also want to go hang out with my friends for awhile because I've never actually been home for my whole birthday. Usually when this time rolls around, I'm stuck at some relatives house in South Carolina, sick as hell. So this birthday should be a lot more fun. I think I'm going to the mall tomorrow, which is good cause I'm sure about something now. It's still teetering in my brain, but it's one way is leaning more.
That's all for now. Hope everyone has a fun New Years Eve. |
|
|
| Good news, horrible feeling. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|06:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | A Fall Farewell-Steve Sanders Vs. Andy Dick | ] |
So I got a call from my counselor from the college and she told me exactly the total price of what the classes will come out too. I dropped a few lame jokes about getting a job and she mentioned how they have a program that helps you look for jobs. That and there is always plenty of jobs around campus. So I did the smart thing and told her I was curious and exactly what kind of jobs they would offer. She mentioned a lot of desk jobs, or filing jobs, which pay around 7 an hour. I'm thinking that's not too bad so I told her when exactly do these jobs become available. She told me I'd have to wait till the beginning of the School year to find out about this. That's fine. She said she'd really try hard to find something if I needed it. And let's face it, I need it. Staples still hasn't called for a second interview, which is seriously starting to annoy me. I talked to my friend who works there and he got sort of pissed that they were dicking me around. He said he knew exactly what they were trying to do. So he was going to have a talk with the managers and tell them they really need to hire me. We'll see how that goes. Must be almost job time, because Movie Gallery called. I got kind of excited, I'll admit it. They asked if I was still interested in the job. So of course I told them yes. Then there was a pause, she then told me they were just finding out, because nothing is available now, but if something did open up, they wanted to know if I'd still like to work. That's just fucked up, but whatever. There's this Winn-Dixie job, but I'm not pulling any graveyards. My parents said they know the store owner, and said they'd try to talk to him about letting me have late hours. Just not graveyard. This really is a small town. For now, I'm just doing these really lame ass cards, but I did find out they were worth it. Today I got 110 dollars from doing it. So it's not that bad. With this money I get to go Christmas shopping. Which is shitty because I know the way the stores are going to be, and I know it's going to be hard to find anything. But I do have a really good idea of what I'm looking for. I found out my parents actually do go shopping the day before Christmas. I was like "Are you insane?!" They said it's been a tradition. Heh, if you call that a tradition.
Enough about jobs, I just thought I'd update on my financial situation. Cause everyone knows money is what makes this world go round. Onto my actual future progress. This is where my life rolls into play. I'm finally about to decide on my classes and register them for the beginning of college. For some reason, school doesn't really bother me anymore. The thought of going back isn't that horrible. I actually want to go back, and I want to speed through my education as fast as I possibly can. I want to achieve all the things I want and become a success in my life. This isn't just wishful thinking, anyone can do it. All it takes is time. I want to show the people around me I am capable of something better and I want my loving girlfriend to know that I'm not some deadbeat loser. I'm not saying I am, I just want her to be very proud of the man I'm becoming and going to be. I know that it sounds like I'm just putting myself down, not calling myself a success and making myself out to be a loser right now. But there is some truth behind it. I need a job for money, and I need my education for control. I want to be in control of my life. I just hope what I'm doing is right. I'm not saying going to school and all that isn't, it's just I'm signing up for college and my parents don't seem to be as excited as they used to be when they talked about me going. I thought this would make them proud, but I guess I have to show something more. I have a feeling things are going to be different come this year around. This is where my real change begins. None of this "Just because I'm 18, that makes me a legit man." That's not what it's about, and I know plenty of people out there who are older then me who act like the assholes they were back in Middle School. Talking about how life is getting better for them just because they have a little cash flow. Yes money buys a lot, but they're not exactly rolling in it. I'd explain more about this, but I'm not really up for explaining myself. I just wanted people to know, especially the woman that I love, that I'm not going to settle for ok. I'm going to aim high, and strive for something great. Really make something out of my life, while I have it.
That takes care of financial issues and future plans. For those who didn't get bored half way through, this is about my up to date process in life as we speak. I'm currently looking for a job, I'm seriously looking. I start college on the 9th of January and I'm going to be taking three classes until I can afford more. I'm doing partial temp work for a data company, just so I can buy Christmas presents. I'm in a very close, very loving relationship with the most wonderful woman I have ever met in my life. I'm sorry if I've been a little slow, and really stupid sometimes. But I promise, I'm really going to try to change that. I had a real scare, and we know why. Something that honestly made me think, and me know just how important you are to me in my life. I know we say it a bunch, but I'm serious, I really mean it from the bottom of my heart and everything else I could possibly put into it. I'm so in love with you, I've never been more in love with anybody then I am with you. The thought of losing you, seriously puts me into hysteria. I felt my world collapse within minutes as you left. This is true, because you are my world. I know you know all this, and I know you know exactly how strong my feelings are for you. I'm just happy that, it's you I'm sharing them with, sharing my time and love with. You're all that seems to matter, and no matter where I am, I find you in my head. Thinking about you, wondering how you're doing, wondering if you're thinking about me, just stuff like that. I know it sounds lame, but it's true. So everyone who might gag, can fuck off. I'm in love with a girl named Maria. I'd give every second of the day to her if I could. I'd give her the world if it could be bought. But for now, I'm just giving myself to her. I'm giving my heart and soul, everything that I am. If there's something I'm missing please inform me. :D
This seems to be all right, aside from all this I'm rather pissed. I'm not really going to explain why, I just am. Sorry if this was just a big disappointment, but I needed it to be out here. If I let anything out, I'm sorry. Like I said, I'm pretty upset and I just want to lay down. There's only a handful of people that I really know online. You know who you are, and if you've been doubting it lately, I'm sorry, but you do know who you are. Everyone else can go fuck themselves, nothing but bitches. |
|
|
| Sigh |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|05:08 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
I fucking hate life. |
|
|
| I need a job. |
[Nov. 27th, 2005|03:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Fucking Movie Gallery. I need a job like tomorrow. I need to start working so I can start dishing out presents. Oi..this time of year. I swear. I'm going to do it though.
Stupid Movie Gallery....
that's all I got to say. |
|
|
| Yawn |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|11:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hungry | ] |
I just woke up a little while ago. This will be my second day in MS. My phone cut out twice last night for some weird reason, and I don't know why. It was plugged in, but it just like completely shut off. Thankfully Maria called me back the first time, so I could sleep with her. It did cut out the second time pretty early in the morning, but she must of been really sleepy still. I love her so much, I can't wait till I'm finally out there. I'm really glad I'm doing this, tomorrow we're going to go grab some application. We're going to take a look at some aparment complexes today.
We went and saw Doom last night. It was a good movie, it just had nothing to do with the game. Still pretty decent to watch. I don't want to reckomend it to anyone cause I don't want to disappoint anyone. I'm about to go get something to eat right now, I'm soooo hungry. So far so good, time will fly by before you know it and I'll be back home.
Later. |
|
|
| Live From Mississippi |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|07:44 pm] |
So I'm finally here. I'm going to be here for abit and it's pretty fun. Not much to do right now, but it's relaxing. Just been playing some games while we wait for the next day. I'll post up some more later, I'm heading off.
Love you baby <3
Later |
|
|
| Change of Plans |
[Oct. 20th, 2005|11:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
Ok, so I'm not going on the bus. I'm waiting till Friday for my parents to actually drive me over there.
Other news. This hurricane is still soooooo far away. It's moving only at 7mph and hasn't even touched that end part of Mexico yet. Which will slow it down a little if it does hit. The Hurricane is even weakening already too. It went from 175 to 145. Yes I know 145 is still strong, but atleast it is going down. |
|
|
| Why?! |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|05:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
FUCK THIS FUCKING DAY. FUCK IT ALL. I was only supposed to go clothes shopping. How did this turn into a fucking fiasco. |
|
|
| And every step I take... |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|05:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thankful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | A Fall Farewell-Steve Sanders Vs. Andy Dick | ] |
She's perfect.
'Nuff Said.
I love her.
Plain and simple. |
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| I don't know. |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|02:31 am] |
 |
I took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Suffering from pent-up overstimulation which threa..."
Click here to read the rest of the results.
|
Marcos' Existing Situation
The fear of rebuff and the extreme caution of his approach make it difficult for him to achieve the degree of intimacy and identification he desires.
I don't know about the rebuff. But I do caution. In other words, I'm shy.
Marcos' Stress Sources
The tenacity and strength of will necessary to contend with existing difficulties has become weakened. Feels overtaxed, worn out, and getting nowhere, but continues to stand his ground. He feels this adverse situation as an actual tangible pressure which is intolerable to him and from which he wants to escape, but he feels unable to make the necessary decision.
Oh boy, do I want to escape.
Marcos' Restrained Characteristics
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Very exacting in the standards he applies to his choice of a partner and seeking a rather unrealistic perfection in his sex life.
I was like this at first, but I've changed. I'm very much attached, and very much in love. And who says the perfection in my sex life is unrealistic.
Marcos' Desired Objective
Suffering from pent-up overstimulation which threatends to discharge itself in an outburst of impulsive and impassioned behavior.
So I keep things in. Who cares?
Marcos' Actual Problem
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond his capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. His inability to enforce his will causes him to over-react in stubborn defiance and by assigning to others all the blame for his own failures.
Somewhat true, except I blame myself for everything. |
|
|
| >- |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|10:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Warriors-Lightning Strikes | ] |
Fuck cellular phone companies. Especially Sprint, fuck em long and hard.
My day off. My fucking day off. Whatever, atleast I got my health and my love <3 |
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|
| These winds blow hard this time of year. |
[Oct. 5th, 2005|12:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Minus The Bear-Absinthe Party At The Fly Honey Warehouse | ] |
Ah, for the past two days it has been great outside. I know it's been rainy on and off, but the days have been so cool and breezy. Thanks to this storm weather, I love it. Also, fourteen more days until I head out to Mississippi. I can't wait, I'm really excited. I haven't done something like this ever, so I feel really adult like for some reason. Zack said I can bring the synth with me too, since I'll be back within three or four weeks. So that'll be awesome, I can plug that bad boy in at the hotel room and practice at nights. I'm going to need a lot more money. I'm going to need about 104 dollars, or a little more for a bus ticket going and one coming back. Not to mention food and whatever else I may need, AKA cigarettes. I also have a 94 dollar cell phone bill that is due I believe the day I leave. So that's going to set me back a little, but I need to pay it before I go. So hopefully I have enough to keep things going up there. While I'm up there, hopefully by then my direct deposit would have kicked in for next week and my final weeks paycheck. So I'll have money in my account for backup during the half way point of me being there.
I think the goal is to look for a job that can be held for me, and an apartment with my friend. I think our goal is to be moved out by the end of the year. Which wouldn't be so bad, cause I get to spend Christmas at home at least. I will however need to bust my ass off with whatever job I snag when I get back. And I'm going to have to avoid wasting money for stuff that can be put off for a little while. I'll probably need money for some of the down payment on the apartment, not to mention maybe some of the security. Jeff said his parents may help, so hopefully they'll take care of a nice amount of the down payment and some of the security. Which would be good, cause I'm going to need MY own car while I'm there. Maybe I can talk my g-parents or parents into hooking me up with something cheap but that'll run around the area. I've also got to save up some money for stuff I'd like to obtain before moving, but I don't know if I'll be able to get them. My wish list before I leave at the end of the yea is as follows.
Item #1:New Computer(I've been putting it off for awhile.)
Item #2:Ipod(That or a bunch of new cd's. Everyone who has one says it's worth it, and I do love music.)
Item #3:Psp(I'd like to have something to play hand held style while I'm up there. So many good games too.)
Item #4:Car(This is negotiable, cause the town I'm going to has a good transit system.)
It's funny to think only four items would be all I need. I can't really think of anything else I'd like. I'm not saying this stuff is cheap. I mean the computer will be at least 800 dollars and the Ipod about 200 or 250. The PSP is another 250, and the car is a lot more then all that. I'm really aiming for the computer, seeing as that was my original goal. I don't know how much use I got left in this old one of mine. I got this plan down hopefully, it's so crazy. I've never been out of state away from home this long. Almost a month, heh, I know I'm going to have fun. I'm actually on my way. Doing something I said I was going to do. Mississippi first, then Austin. And my ultimate and final goal, California. I'm coming ^_^
I got work tomorrow, I'm kind of used to it now. And actually look forward to going, especially since I get paid to do what I do. The only problem is I hate the family schedule. My dad goes to work tomorrow, or today at Five in the morning. And my mom has to be in by eight in the morning. I don't have to go till nine, but looks like I'm forced to go before eight. That's what blows.
That's enough for now, sorry if a lot of this seems like a repeat. It's just, this is going to be on my mind for awhile.
Night. |
|
|
| Double Bonus Post |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|03:40 pm] |
Yes I know another post. I just posted one like 5 seconds ago. But here, more lyrics. XD
Minus The Bear-I Lost All My Money At The Cock Fights
All the boys are begging for her,
reaching long to grab her clothes to
pull her in every direction and
throw some game that won't win.
This girl, she's looking at me
A glance over then down at her drink.
I think she's got the right idea,
I think she's got the right idea,
"You come with me, we should leave,
there's more things interesting than this joint,
You pull stares from this whole crew,
and you act like you never even knew."
We move out to the street
It's raining hard - coming down in sheets.
She takes my hands, pulls hard,
and then we make the dash to her car.
I think she's got the right idea,
I think she's got the right idea,
"We're not going anywhere,"
she said, "We'll just stay here."
"You come with me, we won't leave,
I'll show you something interesting."
Her hair streaked her shirt with rain
and that did something to me.
Another good ass fucking song. |
|
|
| I'm in a really fucking good mood. |
[Oct. 2nd, 2005|03:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Minus The Bear-I Lost All My Money At The Cockfights | ] |
I can't even explain anything. I'm just...wow.
Minus The Bear-Fine +2Pts
She said, "You look like a guy I used to know."
And she was right.
She stood biting her lip
Eyes upturned and then she said
"I know we've met before."
Transparent in the city today
Our basic program is the same
We're the only
I said, "You look too familiar to be wrong.
Just let me find the moment.
Let me find the face."
Dark eyes, dark hair
And looks that need a song.
"I think I loved you
But I forget the place."
We walk down the street we stand on
With our eyes on the sunset or dawn
Substances moving through our veins
You were the queen.
I was the king.
I really like this band. It's nice music to just chill and listen to.
Work was gay as usual, but who cares. I love you Maria, I'm sorry you had to wake up so early, but I'm extremely glad you were there with me to wake up. And to all you people out there, who know they are pieces of shit, fuck you. That's right, fuck you. Got a problem, go cry bitches.
I got practice, I think. I got a message from Zack that said he wanted to. But I've been trying to call him for the past 30 minutes and no answer. So we'll see. That's enough for now. I can't really explain anything else, I'm in too great of a mood. Peace. |
|
|
| Budget |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|08:34 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Into the Moat-Dead Before I Stray | ] |
This sucks. I'm on a tight budget for the next two and a half weeks. Which means I really probably shouldn't go out. I need to save up money for my bus ticket to Mississippi and the rest needs to be for food and stuff while I'm down there. I'm going to be in MS, for about another three weeks, maybe a little more. Within this time I'm going to find a job there and look around for an apartment with my friend. I'm really excited, this will be one of the biggest things I do as an adult. Then after hopefully succeeding with my plans, I'll either come back home to pack up the rest of my stuff. Or I'll save up some cash for a moving van, cause I have a lot of junk. That'll start my official move. But I'm going to need some money, which means, no unnecessary expenses. Ok ok, this is been on my mind for awhile, two and a half more weeks. I'm really excited believe it or not.
P.S. I hate moquitos. I have two bites right in the middle of my pinky and ring finger. On both hands. |
|
|
| Moving on up. |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|03:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Scary Kids Scaring Kids-My Darkest Hour | ] |
I'm slowly inching to the West Coast. I'm going to make it. I will...
Mississippi
Texas
California
The only problem. Is my inching is going to be a little slower then I thought. I'm not talking a long time, just not what I estimated. I will go there, even when I'm not living there. So it should be pretty nice.
I just wish people would have more faith in me. My dad took it seriously when I told him. I told my mom today and she tried to get upset, but then she just laughed. I asked her why she was laughing. And she said because she has nothing to worry about cause I'm never going to do that.
Won't she be surprised in three weeks. |
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|
| No no no, I insist. |
[Sep. 25th, 2005|06:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
Just your everyday random update. Sitting here, really bored, just waiting for Maria to come back from work. Work is such a horrible thing, but we have to do it. I finally work tomorrow, 9-2 once again. That's like my set schedule forever I guess. I think I finally realize why I don't like my job too much. Don't get me wrong, it's a lame reason, but it does make sense. For starters, it's just disgusting. That's just something I thought I would throw in there. The real reason is because I have no one my age there. Like no one to talk to, no one to make friends with. I'm the only guy who works there, which sucks, cause I can't just like go joke around with a buddy. Not to mention the age gap, I'm only 18 and the youngest person that works there is 22. The majority is just old ladies. I liked my previous jobs, because I've had kids my age, and people I could actually chill and joke with. This job I'm silent most of the time and just do what I have to and leave when I'm supposed to. I know it's supposed to be work, not play time, but every job has social interaction. It's ok though, I'll stick with this job. I would never quit, unless I had a job already ready for me.
I still have my phone. I have about 12 days to return it so I can get the full refund back on it. It's going to suck when I take it back. Not only do I have to give back something I actually worked for, but I have to give away the money I used to pay for it as well. My dad gave me the "that's how life works" speech. He said I should take it back so I can give him the money to help pay for some stuff, I'm not even going to mention anything. But I end up giving him all my money. I would of had 300 dollars in my bank. But now I have 5 in the bank, and 20 in my wallet. Gotta start from scratch again on that computer. He said he'll pay me back, but if he has to borrow money in the first place, I doubt I'll be getting it back anytime soon. That's when the whole speech came in. He said that's how life works, if I wasn't giving him the money, I would be giving it some other bill collector. *shrug* Whatever.
On a more positive note, I had a lot of time to play with the synth today. I found an awesome sound I'm going to use. And I made up a lot more stuff on it. I think I'm actually coming along. Hopefully I get to practice sometime this week, I actually want to finish up Maria's Princess song. Then hopefully get it down perfectly, master it up and then record it at Chris'.
Maria is the most wonderful girl in the world. I didn't think it was possible to love someone more and more each day, but it is. I'm truly happy to have someone like her in my life. I love you.
That's enough update for now. Later. Hope to talk to you soon. |
|
|
| I'm so confused. |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|11:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | HORSE The Band-Birdo | ] |
I got a brand new phone yesterday. My parents helped pay for some of it, and hooked it up. I love my phone, cause it's actually mine. But when I get home my mom is pissed cause my dad did it for me, without letting her know. And the money situation isn't too great. So he took stuff from his pocket he shouldn't have. Now I can give him back what he paid, from my account. But that leaves me with 5 bucks in my bank, and only 20 in my pocket. Second option is I could just take the phone back, which would give him his money back and some of mine too. This is where it gets confusing, I really don't know what to do. Should I spend more money and just keep the phone? Or should I just take it back and get my money and deal with what I have. I'm starting to lean for the second option, but I really like my phone.
I don't know, I'll probably just end up taking it back today or tomorrow. This sucks, just when I get something good. A phone is something I need, but I don't even know how to explain the situation. *sigh* I'll figure it out.
On a more positive note. I got the new HORSE The Band cd and it's fucking amazing. You have to listen to it more then once, or the songs just don't sound right. But after the second time around, you start to realize how fucking amazing it is. They also have one song, that sounds like a Killer's song. I also grabbed the Mewithoutyou cd, which is very good. I'm going to go back to thinking some more, sorry to ramble. Peace. |
|
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| Rawr |
[Sep. 21st, 2005|03:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
Hmm...tomorrow is thursday. Sorry, just bored. -_- |
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| Sleepless Nights |
[Sep. 21st, 2005|11:13 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
I am getting my phone. This will be the last time they tell me I can't use it. And for everything else they throw at me I'm going to counter. I mean, come on. I'm 18, not 14, I know what I'm doing and I take responsibility for anything I do. Their biggest complaint is not even that I don't wake up, or I'm not getting enough sleep. It's that I don't hear calls in the morning. Who gives a fuck, I'm supposed to get up and go to work anyways, not have wake up calls at 7 in the morning. And honestly, I've come to realize, I get better sleep when I'm on the phone. Maria doesn't keep me up all night, she makes me go to sleep if I have to wake up early for work. She doesn't want me to be tired in the morning either. But when I hang up that phone, it might as well be over. I don't sleep after that, not comfortably at least. I toss and turn, and I just lay there awake wishing I could hear you. Just to know you are there. Maybe a couple years ago I would of said, fuck it. But not this time. Take away anything else, my computer, my games, or even my tv. But don't keep me from talking to the girl I love.
I know I'm supposed to be saving up for a computer. But I was going to need a phone anyways. Plus I want to hear what they say when I have my own phone. I want to hear the excuse they come up with to try to get me off of it. They can't take it away from me, and they can't tell me anything. I know exactly what they'll say. Either, they'll just bitch about something stupid. Or my dad and mom will say something like, "As long as your living under this roof, we can tell you what to do." Or, "We can just shut the power off for your room. Then how will you charge it?" They'll try something. And you know, maybe a couple years ago this could of all been relevant, but not now. Not since I help pay the bills around the house. Not since I help contribute money towards the electricity and groceries, and any other home care. See I can't use the phone, but it's ok to ask me the next day to shell out 30 bucks for someone to come mow the lawn. I really don't know what they're going to do when I'm gone. I feel sorry for my sister sometimes.
Sorry about just rambling, I'm just letting out steam. It really annoyed me. Once again I'm sorry baby I had to hang up last night. I promise, and this promise I know I can keep, that it'll never happen again. I'd rather get kicked out of the house before I let this happen.
On a more softer note, I'm glad you got your Ipod. I'm glad I have you. And I love you. So very much.
That's all. So bye. |
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